In the end…it’s just wax

I’m on day 9 of solo parenting. C’s been living an hour away on a big job and will hopefully be home tonight. It’s actually been going fairly well with just a few blips on the screen. Saturday, I called a neighbor a little after 9pm and asked if she could take TT for awhile. He was in quite a mood. I needed a break. She willingly obliged. I love her! Bedtime with the boys has gone much more smoothly than I predicted. Meals have worked fairly well – I’ve actually only broken down and gotten fast food 3 times in 27 meals. For me, a complete kitchen-hating non-cook, this is miraculous. But I must admit I’m sick of making meals – it feels like a nonstop venture.

But, even with things going fairly well, I’m exhausted. I’ve had nobody to tag team with, nobody in the house right then and there to back me up in the heat of TTs attorney-like assertions, nobody to giggle with when the kids say something cute or funny. I really do not know how single parents do it day in and day out. I really don’t.

This morning I was driven to tears. I’m sure the fact that I got less than 6 hours of sleep couldn’t possibly have anything to do with it. TT found a box of miscellaneous stuff that was collected when I cleaned the basement awhile back. In it, were two candles in a decorative box that I’m sure just looked tempting and intriguing to him. They were our unity candles from our wedding. He had no idea. I walked into the living room and found him picking the decorations off one of the candles. I didn’t loose it (thank God) but explained that those were candles from Daddy and Mommy’s wedding and that the candles were special. He handed me the candles and then I stepped away. TT went upstairs and was snuggled in my bed when I found him awhile later. “I’m super mega sorry, Mommy,” he said with big tears welling in his eyes. I know he meant it.

In the end, the candles are just wax. Nothing more. In the end, TT is much more important than any glob of wax. I suppose from a pastoral perspective, I could wax (pun intended) on about how the candles now represent the realities of marriage: the brokenness, the unintended fights and hard times, the struggles…

Just the same, I think I need a break, a sitter, and a nap. Maybe I'll call in Super Nanny.