Reindeer Games

The more I ponder the whole bidding war thing, the more at peace I am about walking from the house in the country. The sellers disregarded our deadline date without any communication or apology then spit in our face (admittedly, perhaps they spit back in reaction to our low offer). This afternoon, the realtor sent me their counter-offer even though we are not accepting it. The counter made me all the happier that we've decided not to play their reindeer games. It's all corporate and no humanity. I refuse to give money to such a venture. I'm talking my money back and not playing.

The Cute Gray Charmer, my new name for our new house, is a better investment anyway and the seller is in a situation where our buying the house helps a difficult life situation. It's a win-win and, from what I can tell already, she is approaching the offer with a human mentality. The Charmer was built in 1870 and comes with a home inspection already completed. There are minor, naggy things to fix (like a handrail on the basement stairs heading outside), but nothing major. The Charmer has been rewired, replumbed, has a new water heater, newer AC, new top-of-the-line windows and a tin roof. People tell me the tin roof is a great thing. Regardless, it's cute and seems to fit the house's style. As long as the cat doesn't go on it when it's hot outside, we're in good shape. Get it?

What is your quest?

This morning, I headed out to find Minky a new winter coat. Why is it that every year, the first 20 degree day finds us in a frenzy as we search for matching gloves, a winter coat that actually zips, and a hat? We know the weather is coming, we even begin to hope for a school delay, but somehow, we aren't prepared when the predicted-morning arrives.

I began my quest at Goodwill. You just never know what you'll find there and the prices can't be beat. The Dubuque Goodwill is actually one of the nicest Goodwills I've ever seen. I had no luck in the kid's coat department, but I did find some treasures: 2 cute metal pumpkins for $1.00, a spicerack for $1.00, an Erma Bombeck book for 25 cents, a bunch of kid's books for Minky for 25 cents each, and, the bargain of all bargains, a CD for $2 called Music for Lonely Housewives. The title made it too good to pass up. It's a compilation of great hits from the 70s like One Less Bell to Answer and I Will Survive. I'm going to go hit the disco...ummmm...errr...my minivan stereo now.

PS I found a winter coat for Minky at Kohl's. With my 15% off coupon and today's sale, I got a Nike double layer coat (where one layer can be used independent of the other) for about $40. Not bad, eh?

Let's try this again...

The realtor called me this afternoon. The bank/mortgage company/repo dealer/whoever they are countered our offer. We offered significantly less than the list price and asked for pre-occupancy (moving before we closed). They came down $900 on the list price (basically, they spit in our face) and said no way to pre-occupancy. We hmm'd and hawwed and got increasingly testy.

My initial knee-jerk reaction was to tell the realtor to counter with a figure $10,000 more than our initial offer. When Rab arrived home, we talked and decided we were in love with the location but not the house itself. The list of things we hoped to improve upon grew and grew as we talked about the house more and more. Improvements cost money and if we purchased this house, there would not be a lot of extra funds laying around to pay for all our dreams.

We got out the list with all of my notes about the other houses we saw during our visit. We went between two others - leaning all the while toward one over the other. The clinchers kept coming the more we pondered: The Gray House is more charming, is almost $20,000 less than The Bigger House By The School, seems to be a better home for our dining room set (this damn antique set has caused more problems than it's worth!), and needs fewer changes than any other house on our list (how ironic is that? The house that we can afford to change doesn't need a bunch of changes?!).

Tomorrow, we'll put an offer in on The Gray House. At asking price. Here's a picture of it. Cute, huh?

I'm beginning to get a bit testy

We put our offer in on the 1.6 acre house last Tuesday night. The deadline was yesterday. The realtor has heard nothing and is not calling me back. This is all making me crabby. People! I'd like to buy a house, dammit!

Just in case you ever drive my husband's Pathfinder...

Be careful where you feed the CD as you're driving down a dark country road listening to Minky say everything twice just because he feels like it (yeah, thought I was hearing double...). The area under the ash tray seems to fit a CD just fine. It only took me 25 minutes and the semi-dismantling of the dashboard to realize just where the CD ended up.

Packing boxes

As I sit here before my laptop, I don't have any burning issue or topic on my mind. Lately, it seems like many of my blog posts are simply a running commentary on what I've been doing. I'm not sure how exciting that really is, but I'll share it nonetheless.

Thanksgiving was great. We went to Southern Same Name Lady's and had an absolutely wonderful meal with great company. Rab needs to find out her turkey secret - it was the juiciest turkey I think I have ever had in my life. Yum. SSNL made a couple salads, turkey and wonderful sweet potatoes. Rab made stuffing, cranberry sauce and 2 pies from scratch. By the way, pumpkin pie turns out fine even if you forget the evaporated milk. ;) Joining us in our festivities was a student from Kenya. It was nice to share our American tradition with him.

For the first time in many years, I stayed home on Black Friday and didn't hit the sales. Between Miss Emily not being here to chase down diamond earrings for me and our upcoming move, it just didn't seem prudent. Instead, I stayed in, watched movies like Mona Lisa Smiles on TNT or some other cable channel and packed boxes and more boxes and more boxes. I'm truly almost at the point where nothing more can be packed until closer to our move (which, we're hoping is December 16 but may not be until January 2 - we should know on Monday if we can move into our new house before closing on the 2nd).

Beginning on Friday and continuing into Saturday, I experienced temporary insanity and cleaned out the play room and sorted the toys. I threw out an entire rubbermaid container of broken toys, loose game pieces and Batmen without feet or hands (what exactly does it mean when your 7 year old cuts the feet or hands off his action figures? I'm a little worried here...).

Once again, I headed to my little country church to preach this morning. I really don't get what this is about but every time I like the sermon I leave with, it ends up not preaching as well as I'd hope. The sermons that I think are rotten are usually the best received and have the most impact. This phenomena occurred again today. I left the house with a sermon that I thought was wonderful. Throughout the preaching experience, though, I never sensed that magical moment where people were captivated and thought provoked. At least I had their attention, I guess. It wasn't all bad. It feels sad and weird to know that next Sunday will be my last time with them.

Tomorrow, Minky's reading tutor appointment shifts to 3:15. This means I'll be packing more boxes in the morning (boo) and then I will get to have lunch with my buddy Small Town Girl (yippie!). I'm so excited I could almost scream. AAARRGGH! :)

The pizza guy just brought dinner, so I guess this is goodbye for now. Yep, you just got dumped for 3 $5 medium pizzas from Pizza Hut. Don't worry, I'll be back.

Name calling

Rab just reminded me that I never posted the following story.

Transcript from the other day - Minky mid-fit:

Minky: Idiot!!!!

Me: (ignoring him)

Minky: Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!

Me: (calmly) TT, stop calling me an idiot.

Minky: OK, STUPID!

Me: No name calling, TT.

Minky: Ok, Skdo.

Thankful

I woke up at 6 a.m. this morning...for those who know me well, this is an obvious aberration from my preferred morning routine. I had one of those Sarah MacLaughlin "I'm so tired I can't sleep, standing on the edge of something much too deep" kind of risings. I guess the upcoming move, the still untidy details, and the forthcoming adjustments are weighing heavily on my mind.

As I lay in bed, knowing full well I couldn't get back to sleep, I let my mind wander from panic, short-circuiting levels of detail, and trepidation to today's obvious theme. So in no particular order, here are some nouns (people, place or thing...or, as I just learned subbing in 5th grade awhile back, ideas) I'm thankful for:

* a cadre of eclectic, candid, loving friends who never let me take myself too seriously yet compassionately walk with me in times when seriousness is the order of the day

* my loving husband who just "gets" me in a way few others do. As of November 29, we've been together 20 years.

* Sony, who I would want as a friend even if he wasn't my son. I love watching our relationship change and grow as he does likewise. Sony is a wise old soul with a dry sense of humor and a deep love for people. I'm lucky to know him.

* Minky the Magnificient who lives daily with vision disorders that plague his cerebral input yet still finds a way to be amazingly funny, incredibly compassionate, full of verve and damn adorable. He is the reason I am no longer a perfectionist and boy am I glad about that.

* My quirky, creative, off the wall set of in-laws. We've learned to love one another over the years and I can't imagine life without them. They've taught me a great deal about who I am and who I want to be by simply not accepting my crap and by being themselves.

* My family of origin. Ah, how does one succinctly post about them? A lovingly dysfunctional bunch who truly and deeply love one another but all have different ways of showing it. I'm not sure that any of the 5 of us could be any more different from the rest of us but, somehow, we're part of one unit and I'm thankful for them all...and for all of their offspring.

* my laptop, my cell phone, my Palm pilot and all other convenience electronics

* my friend The Moviemaker who came through with a video camera that plays 8mm tapes when I destroyed my old dinosaur camcorder as I fell down the stairs

* my former neighbor Miss Emily who is sending my new MP3 player all the way from the deep South because our Office Depot ran out of them and hers had one. Oh yeah...and for all the other numerous times she's saved me.

* my wonderful cats. One may think she is a dog and a queen and the other might be annoying about jumping up onto my laptop everytime I'm at my desk, but I really can't imagine life without these little critters. They are steadfast companions who don't talk back and they often make me laugh. When I watch our boys interact with them, I am overflowingly thankful for the cats' patience, love and companionship. They have taken the stress in our home down a notch since they moved in.

* my education, my kids' educations, and my husband's upcoming educational adventures

* a call! An ordination! Seeing my efforts and emotional, financial and mental investments come to fruition.

* medical providers and teachers who have never given up on Minky's complexities and who have tirelessly worked with us and with him.

* the fact that I'm not a Puritan pilgrim (too many rules), didn't have to personally voyage on the Mayflower (too many days on too many waves), and didn't have to live in Plymouth, MA in 1620 (too cold, no electronics, the list goes on and on...)

* my ability and love for writing and the possible writing gigs brewing on my back burners

* God. Yeah, it can sound corny and trite but, really, I'd be nowhere and nobody without God.

Negotiations

Tate the small town realtor called tonight. He had spoken to the seller's realtor and had some details to share with me. The well and septic tests have already been completed, so those won't hold anything up. That is good news. She thought our offer was "a bit low." Tate chuckled and said, "Well...we're open for negotiation," and she promised not to let the sellers reject the offer outright.

The biggest snafu: Both realtors seem to be approaching the move in before closing idea with concern. As a clergyperson, there are amazing tax benefits related to housing. If we close before I'm ordained, we miss out on some big benes. However, we want to move in before we head West for the ordination. We're asking to move in on Dec 16 and to close on Jan 2. I hope this works out. It'll be a real pain if it doesn't.

We'll have news on Monday...stay tuned.

Tonight's adventures brought to you by the letter T

Throats. Telephone. Trust Fund. Tamale the dog. Tate the small town realtor. Timing. It's been quite a night.

Tonight, Rab and I put an offer down on a house via fax and through telephone conversation with Tate the small town realtor. It's 2000 sf on 1.6 acres in the country - 4 bedrooms, big living room, big family room, great laundry/utility room, mud room (!), decent kitchen, standard dining room. The land is the sweet part of the deal - the property line is marked out with large trees all around, there's a circle drive before you get to the driveway for the double car garage, and there's certainly room for a hot tub. We low-balled our offer because the house was repo'ed in 2005. Our CPA told us we probably had some wiggle room. So we wiggled...a lot. We'll see what happens. Rab had to break into the last of the trust fund money he inherited from his dad to make the earnest money payment. It felt weird to know that was the 2nd to last check we'd ever write from what used to be a mighty large sum.

After our conference call, Tate faxed the paperwork up to the Castle. We received it but then the phones went out (again...it's been happening all night) and we couldn't fax back the signed papers. Rab headed to his office to fax them and I was going to walk home. Just then Sister Shana drove up. She was headed to the library to send a fax. I explained the situation, we flagged down Rab and he faxed Shana's paperwork for her. Then she gave me a ride home. How's that for timing?

Now would be a great time to let you know a little about Tate. He is a small town kinda guy. We really like him. He doesn't do computer forms for offers - it's all handwritten. When he showed us around town last weekend, he suggested we follow him in our car because, "couples like to talk about the houses in between each one and if I'm there, you won't talk as much." At each house, we got a quick overview of who the buyers were and what their story was -- this was an entirely unique phenomena to us big city folks. When we were writing the offer tonight, we got to one page and he said, "This is the page that says I gave you the brochure I'm supposed to give you that I haven't given you. Just sign it at the bottom."

Poor Sony has strep throat. He hasn't been in school since last Wednesday and he's the kind of kid who is bummed by that. I keep calling him Ferris (as in Bueller)...he pretends he's not amused but he's laughing inside. Minky had to get a strep culture too, because that's just how our pediatrician is. His came back negative. Kind of like his mood. Just kidding... he's doing great (and I even caught him reading again today! WOW).

Minky and I just got back from letting Tamale the dog out. PMC's former music director had to leave town quickly and his wife called to see if we could watch Tamale until tomorrow night. We've watched Tamale before, so we were a natural choice. Tamale loves being at our house and hanging out with all the kids in the cul-de-sac. She's a cutie. However....grrrrrr....she opened the screen door on her own this afternoon and made a run for it. I had to trek through the burr-infested woods after the little monster. My favorite wool sweater seems to have been burred in vain - my neighbor caught Tamale. I love him. I used to love Tamale but not anymore.

A River Runs Under It

My life lately: Busy, busy, busy, sick kids, sick kids, sick kids, substitute teaching, planning ordination, buying a house, working with synod on negotiation of salary package, meeting with accountant to make sure we can live on said salary package, weekly trek to LaCrosse for TT, falling down stairs and still hurting from it

The longer version:

What hasn't been going on? That's more the question.

CH, now to be called Sony (pron. as the brand name), has been sick since Thursday night. TT, now to be called Minky, convincingly faked illness on Friday. The 3 of us kicked back in my bed and watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off. CH is still sick. We're heading to the doctor in just a bit.

Minky's vision therapy is going remarkably well. Yesterday as we were waiting for his appointment, I actually spied him reading a book! This is monumental. Then a little girl came into the playroom where he was reading and he struck up a conversation with her:

Minky: Are you here because your eyes work funny too?
Girl: Yep. That's why I come here.
Minky: Me too, but my eyes are getting better. They used to be a lot worse.

He would never admit this progress to me or Rab (aka C). This is a huge breakthrough! We are thrilled.

Salary negotiation has been Midwest interesting. The congregation's exec committee didn't understand how to calculate a bunch of stuff, so their initial offer came in over $10K less than it should have. Luckily, the synod has rectified the situation and has told them to pay me for 6 years of experience, given my previous professional life. This is a great thing. Now we can afford to eat.

I met with our new accountant yesterday. I felt pretty stupid after leaving there. Not because of anything he said - he was totally cool and wonderful. It's just that his ability to crunch numbers in his head and put them down coherently onto paper is mind-blowing. He suggested we set up a special plan for me to pay our taxes because I'm not good at saving up throughout the year nor at staying financially organized. Yeah, that's me...the special pastor.

The house offer will actually go in tomorrow. It's a great house - just right for our family. It will be quite a shift for us - the house is in the country and has a well and a septic system. That's all new to me....The house was foreclosed upon in 2005. The accountant says this gives us tons of wiggle room on our offer....the bank is likely very anxious to get the property sold. I searched the Wisconsin court system online today to find out the judgement amount, because the CPA said that is a good number to know during negotiations. I finally found the case number but now I need to head to the courthouse to look at the documents. Fun. More driving.

Substitute teaching is going great. Unfortunately, I had to cancel my jobs on Friday and today because of Sony's illness. I think everyone in the city's school system is Ferris Bueller sick this week - I had over 20 offers to sub today! Geez.

What's been going on...

I'm not sure why I haven't been posting as much lately. I guess I've been busy. My life feels full of small details that steal away my time. Now that the church council at Jordan in Jerusalem voted enthusiastically to forward my name to the congregation, the pace of life has picked up and there's much to be done. Jordan wants me to be their pastor. What a trip.

When I spoke to the council president the other night, he told me that the roof at the church is leaking and that he's planning on resigning (for good reasons that have nothing to do with me or the roof) on February 1. So much for the honeymoon period, huh? ;) I really like the guy - he stopped me mid-sentence at one point and said, "I'm sorry to interupt, but I've just got to tell you what a breath of fresh air you are. You just don't sound like a pastor," he concluded with a mixture of surprise, jubilation and mild contempt for the profession. I took it as the huge compliment he intended.

On Saturday, C and I are headed to Jerusalem to look for houses. It will be an interesting experience. The homes we've owned in the past were in suburbs of a large city. This time, our choices are a bit fewer and further between. Rather than our standard 20 or so tours, it looks like we'll choose from 4 houses. Yep, four, as in 1-2-3-4. We're in for some life changes with this whole small town deal. I was telling Yoda about that today and he just giggled. "Yep," he said, "you are in for some dramatic shifts in your life...heh, heh, heh."

On another note, Paul Shepherd spoke at the Castle last night. He's a writer and he spoke about the topic "wrestling with God." I'm so glad I went. He read from his book, More Like Not Running Away. I'd recommend it. His lecture and the discussion that followed were enlightening. I appreciated hearing about theological issues from a novelist's point of view and I was also intrigued by a behind-the-scenes glimpse of the profession of writing. Someone asked him what message he hopes his writing conveys and he said, "Believing matters. Faith can cross big caverns of doubt and darkness." That's cool.

I've also been substituting a lot. I've become known in a couple of the local elementary schools, which is a mixed blessing. The other day, when I turned down a job request through the automated system, the school secretary called me personally and begged. The experience was a mixture of ego boost and exhaustion. Yeah, I took the job, but I told them I could only work 9-2 instead of 8-3. Somehow, that helped me not feel so put out about going in on my self-imposed day off. In the class (1st grade), the kids were talking about how the city has changed...new people, new businesses, etc. One kid, who just moved here, said his favorite new development was the mixture of his 2 favorite places, McDonalds/Walmart, into one building. When the teacher said our town didn't have such a thing, he said with resilient confidence, "Well, then when I grow up, I'm going to create it." Right on, little man!

Key to all the people in this blog

It's gotten to the point where I can't keep all the code names straight. Alas, here is my key - for both you the reader and me the writer. I'm sure I've left a few out, but they can always be added later.

Mrs. Awesome and the whole Awesome gang - PMC's family. They rock. They are fun, they are funny, they are entertaining, and we love 'em.

Future Bishop - my wise partner during our senior year. We served together as Co-Presidents of the student body. I was the daring mouth willing to advocate in meetings with the mucky mucks, he was the brains of the operation. He has the uncanny ability to keep me grounded and focused when I get all in a dither.

The Hospitables - These guys were our neighbors 2 years ago and are among the most wonderful Wisconsinites you'd ever meet. They hosted us numerous times this past summer as we trekked to LaCrosse for TT's vision therapy. You can read more about them here.

Journey Girl - my California friend who became my bud when we both lived in Oregon. I truly don't know what I'd do without her - she was one of two friends who dared to call my post-partum depression what it was and then to not leave my side as it seemingly devoured me. I love this woman!

The Kindhearteds are a solid, upbeat family in the Castle neighborhood. Mr. Kindhearted heads up the youth ministry efforts for the Castle kids and does a mighty fine job of it. Mrs. Kindhearted has saved me when I was at the end of my rope with TT and CK, their son, is a great kid. KK, Mr. and Mrs. Kindhearted's daugher, used to babysit our kids all the time before she turned 15 and got a life. We still adore her, though! The Kindhearted's helped out with TT's vision therapy for awhile and it was a tremendous help. This family is one of those family's you feel lucky to know.

Little Mister - Journey Girl's son, who will grow up to be a lobbyist. We've seen this career move coming since he was under 2. This kid cracks me up.

Mark the Little Brother I Never Had - Ah, Mark, he's great. He comments on my blog a lot. I like that about him. He already got a whole post dedicated to him, you can read it here.

The Mentor Women - when I began discerning a call to ordained ministry, the Bishop and my pastor both suggested I connect with some female pastors. I was lucky enough to meet up with these ladies and learn a great deal from them.

Ozzie and Harriett - a play on my neighbor's last name, these guys are your salt of the earth, Leave It to Beaver type family in all the best possible ways. Their kids are great friends with CH and TT, and Harriett is patient enough to have been in my carpool for 3 years. That deserves a medal.

PMC - PMC was a senior at the Castle when I transferred to the Castle as a 2nd year student. He saw me through systematic theology, built me up when I tore myself down, and along with his wife, Mrs. Awesome, helped out with TT when we had to pull him out of his preschool because we figured out it was a horrible setting. PMC likes to be funny, but he can also be an amazing theologian, a caring pastor, and a steady, loving friend.

Seminary Friend - now a pastor in North Dakota, Seminary Friend was among my first friends at the Castle. She and I prayed together every day the first year I was at the Castle and did lunch weekly our Senior year. We still prayed our senior year, just not together. :)

Sister Shana - Shana uses her name on her blog login, so I use her name here too. I call her a Sister because she works at a convent. Shana is often mentioned in my posts because she has become a close friend, because she cracks me up and because we spend a lot of time together. Hi Shana's mom, if you're reading this!

Small Town Girl - my neighbor my first year at the Castle and my dear friend for the rest of my life. STG has the amazing ability to see through all my youngest child facade and lovingly but insistently to call me to task. Her down to earth ways, self awareness and insights are a true gift. She will be an amazing pastor pretty soon.

Southern Same Name Lady has the same first name I do, although she goes by our legal first name and I go by a nickname. Her Southern joy and steadfast friendship are such a treasure to me. We often share lunch and the thoughts on our minds. She is one of those friends everybody needs: always has a smile and hug, always has a great insight, and always listens intently.

Southern Wisdom - my first friend at my second seminary (there have been 3...). A Southern girl who is my age, has two sons my age and a husband twice my husband's age (ok...not really twice...). SW is another friend who can see through the youngest child schtick and loves me anyway. She is a fellow Parrothead, so that automatically makes her really cool.

Travelin' Man - Journey Girl's husband. He and I once planned a surprise for Journey Girl's birthday - I showed up in California for it! He is a great guy who travels too much, works too hard and loves his family deeply.

The WAS-beens - the awesome Exec staff from student government: Future Bishop, Mark the little brother I never had, and Squatch.

The Writer - my seminary advisor and friend. The Writer has been an advocate, an encourager and a mentor to me and I hope that never changes.

Yoda - Yoda is beyond words, kind of like God. He and PMC are the only people my non-Christian husband would consider calling his pastor. Yoda has taught me to think deeply, to define what I believe while leaving open room for ambiguity, and to approach others with unorthodox evangelism. You can read more about him here.

Have MDiv, will do airport runs for money

Vibrant Floridian Friend, who works at the Castle, has helped hook me up with airport runs and a continuing Castle email. A way to stay connected and occasional income are both great things. Today, I drove to the airport about 1 1/2 hours away to pick up a potential student. It was a great, clear, crisp autumn day, perfect for a drive.

On the way to the airport, as I listened to cassettes (the 97 Castle Buick has a cassette player!) I had dug out of old boxes, JT got me thinking about this whole ordination imperfection issue. A long, long, long time ago some really rotten stuff happened to me and I went through therapy to deal with it. The therapist and I talked about putting the horrible event into perspective - seeing what happened as one isolated event among many, one brief moment in time in a lifetime of moments. Doing so helped me regain perspective on the big picture of life when the little picture seemed to be monopolizing my conscious thoughts and actions.

Just like the therapy I went through, I had the epiphany that the ordination is but one isolated event, one moment in time. While it matters and is significant, I want to strive to see all the moments I've spent with those unable to be there as also significant. Along the pathway, I've been so blessed with a multitude of holy ground moments and experiences. I can recall

* heart-to-pain (my pain, her loving heart) talks with Southern Wisdom,
* moments of shared pain, yearning, and friendship with Journey Girl,
* times of theological struggle and wrestling with PMC,
* times of hysterical laughter and frivolity with PMC, Mrs. Awesome and the whole Awesome gang
* times of prayer, support, and joy with Seminary Friend,
* moments of shared laughter, responsibility, creativity, and support with the WAS-beens,
* moments of true transparency and accountability with Small Town Girl,
* Solid friendship with Southern Same Name Lady,
* Times of support, encouragement, admonition and growth with treasured profs like the Writer, the Rebel, and Yoda (among others),
* times of prayer, walking, and talking with the Mentor Women,
* moments of desperate phone calls home with so many beloved souls,
* holy ground conversations with the Kindhearteds, the Hospitables, and Ozzie and Harriett
* and the list goes on and on. I have indeed been blessed by an array of shepherds on this journey.

I'm trying to see each of these moments and memories as just as significant as the ordination itself. While most of the above listed friends will not be present on December 31, their roles and past interactions with me are a part of why I will be there at the altar that day. We have shared holy ground - in chapels, in cars, at lunch tables, on telephones, in restaurants, in bars - and those moments are as precious and as true as the moments in which I will have a stole placed upon my shoulders. I am lucky to have had them in my life, at whatever events, moments, and times they were with me. That is what I choose to treasure.

With these musings in my heart, I picked up Will the Future Student. His enthusiasm, hint of anxiety, and excitement were palpable. His questions were similar to the ones I asked only a few short years ago. My answers took me back to that time of life when I was on the other side of the seminary fence. For an hour or so, I was lucky enough to vicariously re-live all that it meant to be just beginning seminary and just beginning the official call process. I shared the joys of life at the Castle and told him about all that he shouldn't miss: Beer and Theology, classes taught by certain professors, sights and scenes in the town. We talked about his concerns over a fundamentalist group on his college campus, about infant Eucharist, and about my upcoming congregational call. The vicariousness may very well have gone both ways as we shared our current dreams.

I feel lucky to have met Will, and I thank God for the gift of helping me glimpse backward before stepping further forward in this call experience. As we drove up to the Martin Luther statue, currently decorated with statue-sized ONE bracelets, Will could barely contain his enthusiasm. And in my head and heart, I clapped for the Castle as they receive this gifted theologian into their midst.

From Princess to Pastor

Warning #1: this post borders on whining
Warning #2: this post is in no way intended to induce guilt on the part of its readers

Growing up, my sheltered and pampered life was often one that encouraged my Princess tendencies. As the baby of the family and as Daddy's little girl, life was good. I came to not only hope for my dreams, but maybe to even count on them.

As I've begun planning my ordination, it seems like all the best laid plans and dreams keep going awry. Originally, I'd hoped for an ordination on December 30, which is my goddaughter's birthday. Well, other people are attempting to fit in celebrations prior to the close of 2006 which has rendered both the church and the Bishop unavailable. So December 31, a New Year's Eve ordination, it is. December 31 is not a bad date - in fact, it's kind of a quirky me kind of date. But it is not my first choice.

Original hopes and dreams also included my friends. I've asked Yoda to preach and Soul Friend to provide some music. While neither has provided a definite no at this point, my gut tells me that's what may occur. They both desire to be there (or at least they say so!), but once again the logistics seem to render it unattainable. I'm sad that these people who have had such a dramatic impact on my sense of call will not be able to attend and participate in helping that call come to one of its points of fruition. In addition to these two fellows, other friends who have been such treasured companions on the journey won't be able to attend and that makes me sad. True, some friends will be able to be there, but others will not, leaving my dreams half fulfilled.

Liturgically, I had hoped to use Setting 5 - a majestic, fluid, melodic setting. In consultation with the music director at my home church (who, for the record, is more than willing to try it), I learned that the congregation doesn't know the setting at all. I'm left asking myself if I stick with something potentially majestic and less known or settle for something loved and more familiar.

First choices don't seem to be working out. I suppose there is wisdom to be gleaned from this disappointing turn of events. I suppose I can look back at the other second choice realities in my past and observe how they came to fruition and became wonderful experiences. I suppose I could view it all theologically and remember that it's God's will we pray be done, not our own. I suppose I could remember that, on this side of eternity, not everything has to come together in one perfectly dreamt package because God will create that gift in the time to come.

Just the same, disappointment clouds my celebration, leaving it less pristine than my dreams. In this broken, limited, sometimes dream-cracking life, the beauty will still shine through. Glimpses of sunshine will seep through this stained glass life and, for a moment, we will glimpse unexpected beauty rather than the majesty we had planned to encounter.

Oh, an update? You'd like an update?

I just posted the last post and noticed that I ended with the idea of packing boxes. I suppose an update is in order so you don't get the idea that I'm so aimless that I'm going around packing boxes for the fun of it.

My name goes before the church council at Jordan in Jerusalem next Monday (I misunderstood this - a few posts ago I wrote that my name would go to the Council last Tuesday but I was mistaken). This is GREAT news. The call committee unanimously voted on Tuesday to move forward with the call process. They feel great about it, I feel great about it, the kids can't wait to get a dog, and C is wondering how he'll survive in a town of 3,500.

We've begun internet shopping for houses and have a few we're ready to check out. Hopefully, we'll be able to get over to Jerusalem the weekend of the 18th. Even more hopefully, we'll be able to find a house in a day. C and I have a history for being really picky about our housing. I think we looked at over 50 houses the first time we bought a house. The second time, I think we looked at about 20. Considering that realtor.com only lists 29 houses for sale in all of Jerusalem, I think we'll have to adjust our ways just a bit this time around.

I've begun planning my ordination, too. Ok, I admit it, much of it has already been planned (doing so involved computer work afterall). My buddy Soul Friend may even be playing at the ordination. He has a date conflict but he's checking out his options. It would be so cool if he could be there. Many of my friends have said they want to come and I'd so love it if they did. The ordination is tentatively set for December 31 - yeah, crazy, huh? - so I'm not sure how many will actually be able to make it. Pastor Awesome already has a big New Year's party planned so the Awesomes aren't going to be there. :( I hope the others can make it.

I'm still pondering the great interview. It was such a natural fit. As I sat in the interview, I thought to myself, Now, these are the type of people I would want to hang out with at a local pub. We laughed and joked and I was completely myself. I was talking to a friend the other day about the whole phenomena. This church not only wants me because of who I am, but they wouldn't want me if I weren't who I am.

A few years ago, I would have worked so hard to appear to be whomever I thought others wanted me to be. My cameleon-ways. Luckily, with the help of the Spirit, a few key friends, and some life experience, I got over that idea. It takes a lot less energy to just be myself, and I'm much happier with the results.

So much to do, so little self-discipline

I fully expected to go into work this morning. The automated substitute system calls me every morning offering me the opportunity to spend my day with munchkins. I've come to expect it. We seem to have struck up quite a relationship -- it calls begging for my presence and I decide I don't want to work, press the star key to turn down the job, and play hard to get. Subfinder must have decided that it's had enough of my routine...today, it didn't call. I've been dumped my an automated system. Ok, maybe that's dramatic. Maybe nobody called in sick on the day I planned to actually work.

Regardless of the reasons, I have spent the first few hours of my morning seemingly busy. I applied for a mortgage, called our new CPA, sent a bunch of emails, checked out my friend's new website/newsletter, and sat on the couch with Arwen the bulimic cat who thinks she's a dog (who, I kid you not, is currently chewing on a plastic sandwich bag). It sounds good, doesn't it? It sounds like I've been busy. Anytime that tasks involve sitting at my desk on the computer, I can appear very productive. I seldom feel like I've gotten much done, though - the laundry sits awaiting my attention and the living room is still littered with kids' coats, school papers and Halloween candy wrappers. The rest of life beckons even if my laptop and I have been hard at work.

Not long ago, I was talking with a friend about our work styles. He told me he is much more productive when he's busy. I'm the same way. When I've got time on my hands, I tend to wander around aimlessly and become very poor at applying myself. I do a little of this and a little of that and nothing really seems to ever get done. The to do list grows and I'm left trying to figure out how I spent my time.

Now that I've added 'updated my blog' to my list of today's accomplishments, I suppose I should begin packing boxes or something. It would be good to have evidence of a day gone by...at least before C gets home from work and wonders what I've been doing all day.

Warning: a Master of Divinity will ruin your ability to worship

This morning I went to a funeral with C. The father of C's bosses and the founder of the company for which C works passed away last Saturday. He was a beloved, wonderful man from what I can gather. I only met him once and he seemed like a great guy.

The funeral was held at a local Catholic church. Outside, a sign read, "When God first saw you, it was love at first sight." The lovely sanctuary was filled to capacity and the young priest, I'm sure, did the best he could do. His homily seemed to be a string of unrelated sentences and it was full of lovely, semi-unrelated thoughts here and there. Any one of the sentences might have made a fine sermon if they had been expanded upon and brought to life. I, my friends, now realize that I am not only a wine-snob and a coffee creamer-snob...I am a sermon snob. My ability to worship has been impaired by my theological training. An ironic debacle.

C has never been to a Catholic Mass and had never heard the Words of Institution delivered along with the chimes of magic that the Catholics use. He told me he was afraid someone's phone was ringing the first time the sound occurred. Then he thought, darkly, that maybe God was ringing the doorbell. C only recently began communing and he did not seem to know what to do when the priest finished the Words of Institution and followed them with the following statement (as verbatim as I can recall...this is really unbelievable):

We are only prepared to accomodate Catholics at the table and only Catholics who are rightfully prepared. We ask that you stay seated if you are not communing. If you do come forward, we can provide a blessing. Signify this desire by folding your hands across your chest.

I'm well aware that Catholics do not play nice with others when it comes to communion but I found this statement to be particularly offensive and lacking in hospitality. I don't remember Jesus asking for denomination ID cards at the Last Supper...but maybe that story is in the Apocrypha. So much for the love at first sight announcement...

I asked C if he was going to go up and he kind of shrugged, unsure how to proceed. I told him, "I usually go up anyway." And I thought to myself...especially after a statement like that. We proceeded up the aisle and communed. When I got near the front, the line on the other side was empty but the wafers were being served by a lay person. Normally that would be absolutely fine by me, but the Martin Luther in this Lutheran girl wanted to make sure that priest served this supposed unwelcome guest. When I stood in front of him, I actually paused and looked in his eyes before putting out my hand. The upstart really had no choice but to look me in the eye as he said, "The body of the Lord." C followed me and not noticing that this communion service was by intinction (where you dip the bread into a chalice of wine), he gently and naively took the cup from the server and drank up. The Martin Luther in me cheered!!!!! Yay, C! Show that priest how worthy you are to come to the Lord's table!

As I returned to the pew, I noticed that the lapel pin on my coat was from Wartburg Castle. Wartburg Castle is where Martin Luther hid from all the angry Catholics who were out to kill him after he denounced their practices. How appropriate, I thought.

Preach it, sister, preach it

The sermon today went off without a hitch. The call committee folks found the eensy weensy church without any problem and the locals welcomed them warmly. I didn't think my sermon was my best work, but the eensy weensy church folks, who'd be completely honest if it sucked, told me I "hit a home run." The Matriarch said with a mixture of excitement (for me) and disappointment (for herself), "They're nuts about you." This came after she spent some time telling the call committee folks what a "gem" I am. Man...I gotta remember to pay those folks before I leave town! ;)

One of the call committee members became teary during the sermon and prayers - C always says my best sermons drive others to tears. I think that's a good thing... The other call committee member asked me if I'd accept the call if it was offered and I said, "Yes!" We then began talking about the houses for sale in the area and which neighborhoods were the best.

After church, I learned how to put a video online (so the other call committee members could see a sermon sample), and then I promptly spent the rest of the day watching old home movies and attempting to figure out how to put my archaic Handycam memories onto my fairly new Viao (let's just say the solution involved two trips to Radio Shack and isn't cheap...).

Tuesday, my name goes before the council. This is starting to get kinda strange.

Jordan in Jerusalem

I'm so excited I can barely write. Yesterday, I had an interview at Jordan in Jerusalem. IT WAS AWESOME! The call committee was so great - very down to earth, honest and authentic. In some ways, the whole interview felt like I was sitting down with a group of people I'd want to have as friends - it didn't feel hard or uncomfortable or difficult. It was a fit and it seemed so natural.

I feel so called to pastor these wonderful people, and apparently the feeling is mutual. They sent me an email this afternoon telling me that I'm prime candidate #1, and they are coming to hear me preach tomorrow. Their attendance will nearly double the size of the little country church where I'm preaching.

C and I stayed overnight in Jerusalem at a bed and breakfast owned by one of the church members. It was a darling place with scrumptious food and a hospitable hostess. We didn't want to leave - being served a feast for breakfast in a fancy dining room was such a treat! High Ropes Amy stayed with the kids and they all did great. What a blessing to have her around to help out.

Jerusalem is a small town and has a charm that seemed to fill my veins. There is a small quaint downtown, some great antique stores, a couple good restaurants, a Piggly Wiggly (yay - I'm big on the pig!), a VFW tank, one elementary school, one junior high and one high school. There's a nice workout facility, a Curves, and even a Mickey Ds and a Subway. It's also really central and within 2 hours from a number of larger cities and towns. A few places are only about 1/2 hour away. We didn't see them, but apparently there are quite a few outdoor options too: a pool, a hiking/biking trail, a golf course, etc.

The Jordan church building was built in the 60s and utilizes space well. Somebody was thinking when the church was built - proven by the fact that the congregation also purchased the adjacent lot. The worship space ROCKS - movable altar and pulpit, flexible space, great sound system, and an open, airy architecture.

Wow...who knows...maybe I'll be growing up and becoming a pastor afterall. Crazy.

Today in the Church...

I used to be very committed to The Today Show on NBC. For whatever reason, I've gotten out of the habit. But today, I turned it on and I am so glad I did. In addition to learning about issues of supreme importance like This Season's Trendiest Skirts, Celebrity Chrushes, and the Horrors of British Petroleum, I just saw a wonderful interview with Katharine Jefferts Schori, the new Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church USA. She is a second career minister and has only been ordained for 12 years. Now she's the first woman to lead a major US mainline denomination. I was so impressed with her. She's one of my new heroes. Click here to see the interview then follow the link 2/3rd of the way down the page.

In other religious news, it appears that Rev. Ted Haggard, apparently some famous evangelical (I've never heard of him, but then again he doesn't run with my crowd of religious people...), just stepped down as leader of the National Association of Evangelicals amidst sexual indescretion allegations. Unfortunately, he is a vocal opponent of gay rights. Ironically, the allegations apparently involve assertions that he had a gay relationship.

I'm really getting sick of a couple things: (1) people who forget the gospel message and get all in a dither about the morality of others while forgetting to worry about their own, and (2) pastors and church leaders of any denomination who can't keep their pants on.

Today I miss the beach

I can already feel the serenity fading...I miss the waves, the sand between my toes, the coastal air. Sigh.

I went to chapel at the Castle on Wednesday and ended up having coffee and talking with Yoda for 2 hours afterward. He is such a wise, wonderful, and funny man. We laughed and talked and laughed some more. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever seen him laugh so hard. He literally had tears in his eyes from laughing as I told him about my idiosyncratic sand collection.

After an hour or so of coffee, I told Yoda I needed to get going because the Store Full of Cool Stuff downtown was going out of business. I had my eye on this humongous shell and my plan was to fill it with all of the sand I've collected from all over the world. I even pushed him to consider how there could be theological musings attached to this venture. He wasn't so sure, but he enjoyed my grasping for theological straws.

The sand collection began when C & I moved to South Carolina and I was desperately, desperately, desperately missing Oregon. C's sister Beautiful sent me a package of Oregon beach sand. It truly provided a slice of home and a source of solace as it sat on my desk and invited my fingers into it. Since then, the sand collection has grown. I've got sand from Barcelona, South Carolina, California, Oregon, Lake Superior... After years away from the Oregon Coast, the particular beach upon which I walk is no longer as important as the experience of walking on any beach. I will forever and always be drawn to the temptations of the sea.

After saying a typical Midwest goodbye and musing in my mind about how Yoda, a septegenarian, is a lot like an older brother to me, I headed down to the Store Full of Cool Stuff. But alas, the shell had surfed to another home. After the saleswoman shared the news, I walked around the store at least three times just to make sure. Instead, I ended up purchasing my own mini-beach and a great bucket with a parrot on it. Then I went home, got on Ebay and began bidding on large seashells.

"Be nice to me, I'm a child of divorce"

My sister said this line to me the other day. My 40-something sister. Sadly, it's true. After 43 years of marriage, our parents are in the process of getting divorced. I've held off writing about it because they both occassionally read my blog. Dad thinks 'blog' is a strange word but he reads my blog anyway. Dad has had a heck of a time figuring out how to access it, so I created an AOL icon on his sign in screen. Now I'm just a click away.

My feelings about this whole divorce deal have been a bit strange. I've had a hard time figuring out what I'm supposed to be feeling, what I am feeling, and what I'm supposed to do with whatever I'm feeling. I have to admit, it's difficult to recall my parents ever having a happy marriage. I'm sure that at times they did, but I know it's been a long road for both of them for many years. In many ways, it's not my story to tell so I'll refrain from commentary.

Tonight, TT was talking to my mom on the phone. He's been especially eager to talk to her lately and we just haven't had a chance to call her. On our way home from a medical appointment, we stopped at the school's book fair. Before we went in, I called her to give her some good news (you'll get it later...just wait...another post will follow soon) and some details. TT eagerly took the phone and after sharing Halloween stories, he put it out there:

"Gramma....why are you and Papa getting divorced?"

The urge to rescue my mother appeared as I heard him ask the question. However, as if TT knew this, he went in the back of the van and huddled on the floor of the 3rd row. They had a good 3-5 minute heart-to-heart. She told me later that she thought the question might be coming - TT is very good at letting people know what's on his mind. TT told me later that Mom said she and Papa still loved each other and that they still loved him very much, they just couldn't live together any more.

On the way home from the book fair, TT said, "Mommy, I've been thinking. We have to get Gramma and Papa back together and I have a plan." His plan entails telling Papa to meet us at a store and telling Gramma to meet us at the same store. Once they are both there, we will leave and we will lock them in the store to talk about their feelings. They have to climb over tables and chairs and stuff before they can find the door and they'll have to work together. Also, they can't come out until they decide to stay married.

I said to TT, "I can tell you really want them to stay married." "Yep," he replied. I asked, "How come?" TT responded, "Because, Mommy, if we have to go to California to visit Papa and then to Oregon to visit Gramma, we'll just be going all over the place all the time. If they stay married, we can just visit them in one place and it will be much easier. They need to just live in their one house together where they used to live with Cassie (their deceased cat)."

Sound the trumpets!

Da da da da...here it is, what you've all been waiting for: POST 100! I've been giving a lot of thought to this post. It seems like it should be something special. At first, I thought I'd write about 100 things that make me laugh. I came up with a bunch, but not quite 100. If I had more time, I'm sure I could manage it; however, I want to get this 100th post thing over with because I've got more to write about.

So...if not 100 funny things, how about 100 things I'm thankful for? Well, besides the dangling modifier, I saw problems with it becoming far too sappy. 100 places I love? Boring. 100 of the best people in my life? Yeah, right, I'd leave someone out and they'd get their nose out of joint. Not a good plan. 100 intriguing thoughts? Well, you've already had 99 of those, dear reader!

So here's the list. 100 things worth putting in a 100 things list. Some are funny ha ha, some are funny peculiar, some are full of wondering, some are wistful, blah, blah, blah. Read along, you'll get the idea.

1. I think the Sinclairosaurus at the gas station is strange. I get the play on 'fossil fuel,' but I still think it's weird.
2. I married C because he made me laugh, because he brought me back down to earth and, as my dad said to me before the wedding, because C is the only man who has ever gotten away with telling me 'no.' I continue to love him for the same reasons even though we don't laugh together as much as we used to. I admire his willingness to not only follow me as I pursue my dreams but to also fully embrace those dreams.
3. I love CH because he is someone I'd want to know even if he was not my son. He has an infinite capacity for compassion, an old soul wisdom, a quiet edgy humor, and an incredible, beautiful, darling face. I admire his willingness to go with the flow even in those times when he'd rather not do so. His brilliance amazes me.
4. I love TT because he is charming, insightful, bold, dynamic, and funny. After years of denying it, I see how he is a little me oftentimes. His connection with animals and with those in need blows my mind regularly. I admire his tenacity to live with all of the challenges his little body and brain shower upon him.
5. I found the pink-painted Elvis store at the Memphis airport hilarious. As I was walking by it, I couldn't resist calling both my sister and Shana and asking them what they wanted me to pick up for them as long as I was there.
6. I love it when my cat Arwen puts her paw and leg under the bathroom door because she feels left out if she isn't wherever I am.
7. The Detroit airport has a gift store for pets. Hear me clearly - not a store where you can buy little ceramic trinkets of pets for your family and friends, but an actual gift store where the guilty traveller can pick up presents for his/her pet(s). At this store, one can purchase Doggy Bad Hair Day shampoo, a doggie Barbie purse that attaches to the collar, and a chew toy that looks like a loaf of Wonder Bread. This is strange.
8. Desperate Housewives is my favorite show. There I've said it.
9. I'm thankful for my Israelite-like, long, convoluted path through seminary. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
10. I laugh when I hear myself say "South Caroliiiiiiiiina." I only lived there 10 months, but I still pronounce it like a good Southern girl.
11. After living in the Midwest for 3 1/2 years, I get scared when I hear myself say any word with an "oh" sound.
12. I wish I drove a Jeep Wrangler.
13. I'm amazed how Shana, someone who is young enough to be my daughter, is one of my most treasured friends.
14. I laugh when I see my cat, Aragorn, run. He hops like Tigger.
15. Little Mister in California and his charming lobbyist ways make me smile. I'm glad he's my friend.
16. Snobbery bugs me. That said, I willingly admit that I am a creamer snob (liquid and flavored creamer only!), a wine snob (no box wine unless I'm really desperate) and a gold-only jewelery snob (silver just doesn't go with my sunny autumnal coloring).
17. I love how much little girls love having their hair french braided, and I love how I'm known in the neighborhood for french braiding their hair.
18. I love it when Mark the little brother I never had (as opposed to Mark the older brother I do have) makes fun of me with his "I'm Skdo...I have a gold class ring....blah blah blah...I'm Skdo....I'm from the Pacific Northwest....blah blah blah..." routine. I miss that harassment.
19. I treasure the Christmas picture from our first year of marriage. We had a Charlie Brown tree that we couldn't afford to buy until December 24 and we spent over an hour trying to get the tree into the stand just so before we realised the tree itself was crooked.
20. I love how one of our kitties at the time, Hannah, climbed the tree.
21. I am incredibly thankful for special education teachers, all of my children's amazing teachers (past and present), paraprofessionals that care about my kids, and a wonderful school district.
22. I will never forget Doug, the man I met at a wedding during internship who ended up being a child psychologist and who ended up changing TTs life.
23. I will never forget Paula, the social worker who talked me through the absolute worst day of my entire life when post-partum depression had taken over and was swallowing me whole.
24. I love that I can let laundry pile up without much guilt about it.
25. Medical providers who really listen to their patients are a gift to the world.
26. I think hammocks on third terraces that look out over the ocean are sweet.
27. I am incredibly thankful for people who are willing and able to babysit TT.
28. Digital cameras are an amazing invention,
29. so are digital voice recorders,
30. and laptop computers,
31. and email,
32. and HTML code,
33. and blogs.
34. I'm thankful that I have an interview at a great congregation on Friday.
35. My news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.
36. Travel is one of my favorite hobbies. I have been to England, France, Spain, Western Canada, Germany, and the following states: Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Idaho, Arizona, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Illinois, Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, Massachusetts, Virginia, and Georgia. I have driven through some or all of Wyoming, Kansas, Nebraska, Tennessee, Indiana, West Virginia, and Ohio.
37. Music is one of God's greatest gifts. Thank you, God, for music.
38. Sitting and reading the Sunday paper and looking through the ads is one of my favorite rituals.
39. I treasure the darling rural parish where I've been preaching as I wait for a permanent call.
40. Shaving cream is really fun.
41. I'm glad there is paint. I cannot wait to paint a new house so I no longer have to look at the Castle tint called "ice cream".
42. Every morning, TT makes me giggle when we wake him up. He always has to do his "secret stretches" and we have to leave the room until the stretches are complete.
43. I'm glad that I've already lost 4 pounds on the South Beach diet.
44. I think bedhead on kids is cute.
45. I love the beach. No doubt about it. The beach is my centering place. The mountains and the woods aren't so bad either, but they aren't as special as the beach.
46. I hope I do actually learn to play my guitar someday. It's kind of bulky just sitting in the corner of my office collecting dust.
47. I pray every day for my friend Margie whose husband died when she was just weeks pregnant with their 4th child.
48. Other than that, my prayer life is usually pretty abysmal. I go in fits and starts and I wish I was a better pray-er.
49. I'm glad I'm disorganized and happy. When C first met me, I was much more MyersBriggs J, but it was a hang up and not really me. I did it out of an endless need to be loved and somewhere deep down I unconsciously thought that if I was "perfect," I'd be more lovable. After CH was born, I went through therapy and discovered that my people pleasing tendencies and my perfectionistic ways were a bunch of crap. I got over being a J. I'm glad about that. Now, C loves to say to me, "So you mean to tell me I spent thousands of dollars on therapy so you could be disorganized and happy." To which I reply, "Yes! But I'm HAPPY!" To which he replies, "Yes, but you forgot to pay the rent/feed the cats/do something adult-like." To which I reply, "Yeah, but I'm HAPPY!" It's a little game we play. :)
50. I'm glad C puts up with my blogging and my quirky habits of (a) putting dishes wherever there is room in any given cabinet and (b) putting CDs in any empty case.
51. For me, the most important qualities in a close friend are courageous and loving candor, understanding me even if they don't agree with me, an ability to see my well-hidden vulnerabilities, an ability to remind me that I can safely share said vulnerabilities, trustworthiness, humor, and authenticity.
52. Imagine a number line numbered from 1-10 with 10 representing the deepest, most inner part of yourself. While most people tend to let just about anyone in to level 2 and only a select few all the way to 6, 7 or 8, I tend to let just about anybody into level 4, many into level 6 and a very, very, very select few any deeper than that. Many people think I am extremely open about my darkest and deepest thoughts. Actually, I'm more private about them than most people.
53. I'm thankful for Dallas who understands this about me. He's a true friend and I miss him.
54. Coffee, chocolate, white wine, and beaches are some of the best things in life. And, yes, I know I already mentioned beaches. So what? It's my list of things to list and I'll do it my way.
55. Most of the time, I like that I can be petulant and show my youngest child ways. Sometimes it gets me in trouble.
56. I'm glad I'm a redhead. It suits me.
57. I wish my hair was as red as it used to be but I'm too cheap to color it.
58. I'm sad that when this list is all written, I will think of 100 more things I wish I'd said. I may just edit it here and there...which, I'll admit, I do to my posts on a fairly regular basis.
59. I admire my husband's grandma and I am so thankful I know her.
60. I have been blessed with incredible siblings. I thank God for them and their families often.
61. My in-laws ROCK!
62. I'm glad that I missed the ACT registration deadline in high school and ended up going to University of Oregon instead of Middlebury College in Vermont. Otherwise, I would never have met C and all of our amazing college friends.
63. Cordless phones are not all they are cracked up to be. We have never owned one that I liked.
64. I love my printer. It is an HP Deskjet 970Cse and it can print in duplex. Duplex is cool.
65. I love that somebody out there is still reading this ridiculous list that seemed like such a great idea when I began writing it.
66. My favorite holiday used to be Christmas.
67. The other day, tears filled my eyes because I discovered TT reading (!) to CH.
68. I'm thankful for vision therapists, reading therapists and occupational therapists and all of the difference they have made in TTs life and our family's life.
69. I love my super awesome spiritual director (SASD) with whom I belly laughed on Monday morning when she said, "If God were here..." and I said, "God is here." I smiled when SASD and I were talking about worthiness on Monday and she said, "Skdo, hold your head high whenever you walk into any room and think to yourself 'if these people only knew all that I do each day as a mom, wife, minister, etc, etc....most of them would be blown away.' " I'm not sure many would be blown away, but I love that she said this.
70. If I ever had plastic surgery, I know exactly what I'd have done (nope...I'm not telling!)
71. I treasure the spiritual director I had in South Carolina who was paid by the seminary and who helped me to discern to leave said seminary. Ah, irony.
72. I'm thankful for all of the professors along the way who taught me to speak the truth and use my voice appropriately.
73. I'm grateful for all of the pastors along the way who have nurtured, challenged, taught, mentored, and loved me.
74. In all honesty, I have to admit that there are a handful of pastors and professors for whom I am not grateful. Even so, I see that sometimes we learn the most from our challenges and challengers
75. I'm really glad that I got to meet Jimmy Buffett once and have my picture taken with him.
76. I continue to giggle when I look at the personalized autographed picture of Bradley Whitford (Josh from West Wing) that my friend Ben got me for Christmas one year through one of his connections.
77. I love my taste in clothes even if others find it interesting (that's Midwest code for 'concerning').
My life would not be the same without:
78. Journey Girl, Wise Southern girl, and Anne the Preacher's kid,
79. TTs Godmothers, Shana and Eileen, and Sorority sister Dana
80. Leslie (who I haven't talked to in years but was my best bud in elementary school and always laughed at my jokes),
81. my first boyfriend and my other former boyfriends,
82. great families I've met in seminary, including PMC and the whole Awesome clan and the Hospitables
83. Small Town girl whose wisdom blows me away regularly and who was able to see that I was losing myself during my first internship and was brave enough to tell me so
84. Seminary Sandy, Future Bishop, Pastor Karen, and all of my classmates
85. I'm thankful that anyone who wasn't listed up to this point knows that I love them too. I am too blessed to list everyone who has touched my life. What a wonderful problem.
86. I'm looking forward to getting a dog when we move. My kids think they are the ones getting a dog...
87. I think it is a tragedy when pastors refuse the Eucharist, refuse to baptize, or refuse to do non-member weddings. I do not think that pastors are called to be grace gatekeepers. Did Jesus ever turn anyone away? Anyone besides the rule maker Pharisees? Hmmmm...
88. In the 20 years that C and I have been together, there have been 3 other men with whom I've had strong emotional connections. I'm thankful for these amazing friendships and I'm thankful that lines have never been crossed.
89. I'm incredibly thankful that C has understood these friendships and has even said, "Of course you are close to so-and-so, he gives you something in a relationship that you need and that I simply am not wired to provide." Wow. I'm a lucky girl.
90. Speaking of lucky, I'm really thankful for Soul Friend. He helped me finally get the idea that all God wants me to be is myself.
91. I'm not sure that a day goes by when I don't think about my father-in-law and my grandparents. I miss them tremendously and I wish my boys could have known them.
92. For the most part, I hate winter. Winter as a weather-season, winter as a time of life, winter as a season of grief. Winter is cold and biting and bitter and hard.
93. My favorite seasons are Spring and Summer. It depends where I am which wins out. In the Midwest, Spring wins. In the PNW, summer wins.
94. I'm glad my house is one of the neighborhood kid houses.
95. Someday I would like to travel to: Jamaica, Hawaii, Mexico, Holland, Australia, Florida, New York, Maine in autumn, and 1000 other places.
96. I love Disneyland. It's the happiest place on earth! If I ever worked there, I would want to be the Wicked Queen - she's the only Disney employee who gets away with being crabby.
97. I love LA, Chicago, Charleston, Savannah and Portland, and the unrelated fact that my husband is a great cook.
98. Someday I want to own a vacation home somewhere warm.
99. I'm thankful that even though I regularly and routinely screw up, fall short, make stupid choices, and forget my manners, Jesus truly does forgive me. When I stop to really consider this, it's pretty mind blowing.
100. I can't believe I've come to #100. I'm glad blogs aren't limited to 100 posts because I love my blog. And I love my blog friends and readers.