Warning: a Master of Divinity will ruin your ability to worship

This morning I went to a funeral with C. The father of C's bosses and the founder of the company for which C works passed away last Saturday. He was a beloved, wonderful man from what I can gather. I only met him once and he seemed like a great guy.

The funeral was held at a local Catholic church. Outside, a sign read, "When God first saw you, it was love at first sight." The lovely sanctuary was filled to capacity and the young priest, I'm sure, did the best he could do. His homily seemed to be a string of unrelated sentences and it was full of lovely, semi-unrelated thoughts here and there. Any one of the sentences might have made a fine sermon if they had been expanded upon and brought to life. I, my friends, now realize that I am not only a wine-snob and a coffee creamer-snob...I am a sermon snob. My ability to worship has been impaired by my theological training. An ironic debacle.

C has never been to a Catholic Mass and had never heard the Words of Institution delivered along with the chimes of magic that the Catholics use. He told me he was afraid someone's phone was ringing the first time the sound occurred. Then he thought, darkly, that maybe God was ringing the doorbell. C only recently began communing and he did not seem to know what to do when the priest finished the Words of Institution and followed them with the following statement (as verbatim as I can recall...this is really unbelievable):

We are only prepared to accomodate Catholics at the table and only Catholics who are rightfully prepared. We ask that you stay seated if you are not communing. If you do come forward, we can provide a blessing. Signify this desire by folding your hands across your chest.

I'm well aware that Catholics do not play nice with others when it comes to communion but I found this statement to be particularly offensive and lacking in hospitality. I don't remember Jesus asking for denomination ID cards at the Last Supper...but maybe that story is in the Apocrypha. So much for the love at first sight announcement...

I asked C if he was going to go up and he kind of shrugged, unsure how to proceed. I told him, "I usually go up anyway." And I thought to myself...especially after a statement like that. We proceeded up the aisle and communed. When I got near the front, the line on the other side was empty but the wafers were being served by a lay person. Normally that would be absolutely fine by me, but the Martin Luther in this Lutheran girl wanted to make sure that priest served this supposed unwelcome guest. When I stood in front of him, I actually paused and looked in his eyes before putting out my hand. The upstart really had no choice but to look me in the eye as he said, "The body of the Lord." C followed me and not noticing that this communion service was by intinction (where you dip the bread into a chalice of wine), he gently and naively took the cup from the server and drank up. The Martin Luther in me cheered!!!!! Yay, C! Show that priest how worthy you are to come to the Lord's table!

As I returned to the pew, I noticed that the lapel pin on my coat was from Wartburg Castle. Wartburg Castle is where Martin Luther hid from all the angry Catholics who were out to kill him after he denounced their practices. How appropriate, I thought.