Sell your stock in Dr. Pepper

An insider's tip: Dr. Pepper stock (if there actually is such a thing) is about to take a nose dive. Today, for the 803rd time (ok...maybe it's not really that many), I decided to give up caffeine and soda. I made it through the day with only a modest headache and a great deal of sleep.

I always have such huge intentions when I begin these no soda/no caffeine journeys. Then something stupid happens: the weather gets cold and a warm cup of coffee sounds just right and there's no decaf in the house or someone orders pizza and the one thing I love to drink with pizza is soda (I'm not a beer girl). One time, I gave up caffeine for a long time (like 3 months!) and then I noticed I was drinking a lot more wine...hmmmm....perhaps not the best alternative. Whenever I start up again, I think I can do the "only one soda a day" routine and soon I'm binging again and craving soda left and right. Then I put my feet in the mud and completely resent Cs constant suggestions that I reconsider my caffeine consumption. Yeah, it's an addict kind of behavior, I know...

Years ago in Portland, I read an article in the paper about some gal that started a Caffeine Addicts Anonymous group. I thought that was pretty interesting until my sister told me she knew the gal and that the gal was not only a real pain in the butt but also a basketcase. Maybe that gal needed just one more Dr. Pepper to calm her down...

The Prophecy Gopher

In searching for a rapture picture on Google images, I came across this website. It is very scary or very funny, depending upon your theological grounding. If you're in need of a spiritual health checkup, these folks can provide not only an examination but a handy dandy retort to any faith doubts you might be experiencing. They also have a human population clock which gives up to the second counts of our over-populated world (did you know nobody dies in the moments leading up to the rapture?!! I checked the clock over a 10-15 minute period and it never decreased. Wow.)

And, Shana, they even have this little fella...he can link you to PROOF that the Rapture is near! You've been right all along my friend -- groundhogs, gophers and other short-legged rodent creatures are trouble.

This latest find may be even more entertaining than this one that Shana's sister hooked us onto awhile back. Little Lamb-whats-his-name can tell you what to do if you come across an atheist (you gotta click on the goat's mouth to see all his sayings!), how to avoid temptation on one's way to church, and how many gods you have.

The scariest thing...these people are serious. The other scariest thing...they vote.

And I thought buying a swimsuit was tough!

The other day, I got a flier from a local department store advertising their big sale. The flier told me that if I used my store charge card, I could even save an extra 25% on anything I buy on Friday. Yippie! All week long, I've been looking forward to this afternoon, knowing that I was going to hit the big sale and finally find a pair of boots. Last year at the end of the season, I attempted to find a pair of boots on clearance, but I didn't like the ones left in my size and I loved the ones not available in my size.

Buying a pair of boots did not sound like a difficult venture this time - considering that it's the beginning of the season and everything should be available in my size. As CH can attest, I've already had the good fortune to find many pairs of shoes that fit. Finding a pair of boots should be a breeze - especially at the prices being advertised less 25%, right? Well...

After browsing the other departments (a girl always has to look at her new clothing options), I found my way to the shoe department where 6 or 7 employees were busily scampering about while about 15 customers attempted to find just the right shoe or boot in those quickly dwindling moments before the schools dismissed for the day. I kid you not - I think every customer there was under a time crunch and was a mother of elementary school aged children.

You wouldn't think that a ratio of 6-7:15 would be bad. It actually sounds pretty great, right? Well, for some reason, there was much flutter of activity but few customers able to find someone to help. I'm not sure what to make of that. Once I finally did catch the eye of The Lady in the Sweater, I was able to explain what I was looking for. Then, I waited....and waited....and waited. I honestly thought that maybe Lady in the Sweater went on break and forgot about me. Just as I was about to try to find someone else to help me, Lady in the Sweater appeared with my boots. While trying them on, I noticed that Lady in the Sweater had about 7-8 customers on her radar, while two other salespeople stood and talked at the sale rack and two others were Behind the Cash Register Only people. This brought the effective ratio down to 2-3:15. Hmmmm....

The boots were too tight in the toe, which was no big deal because I could move up a 1/2 size. But the depressing thing was that there wasn't enough boot to make it all the way around my leg as I zipped it. This is a creative way to say that my legs are too fat for run-of-the-mill, on-sale boots at a national department store. I really didn't think I'd have to face weight issues while trying on boots.

After I extricated my toes from potential boots #2, Lady in the Sweater was nowhere to be seen. I decided to ask Talker at the Sales Rack #1 for a larger size. She asked, "Isn't Lady in the Sweater helping you? She should be around sometime soon." Then she actually walked away! I caught Talker at the Sales Rack #2 (who was no longer talking with #1 but was now standing and staring blankly into the mayhem) and asked her for help. After another long wait (where are these people keeping their stock of boots?!), Talker #2 arrived with larger sizes. Toe space was still a problem. Then Lady in the Sweater reappeared and asked how I was doing. I explained my issue and she suggested a pair of boots that were 3 times (there's that number again!) the price of the first boots. I replied, "Umm...no. I need to stay more in this price range." She happily sauntered off in search of some suitable, bigger toe area boots.

She actually came back fairly quickly this time. I loved the boots she chose and they fit great in the toe area. I still had the fat leg issue, but out of pride I refused to admit it and bought the damn boots. Which are brown, not black like I'd hoped. But as Cash Register Only Lady #1 was ringing up my purchase, Cash Register Only Lady #2 said, "The brown ones are always so hard to find - they disappear off the shelves quickly. You're lucky!"

I think I need to begin a regular work out routine so I can experience my luck by actually fitting into my new, hard earned boots. My fabulous friend Shannon told me today that she just received a list of excuses not to work out from her daughter's cross country coach. I told her I need a copy so I can convict myself as the Excuse Queen of Exercise.

Another 3

This is a bit scary. Today at chapel I received a certificate for completing Cert School. I was talking to my friend, Cindy, after lunch and joking about how the Castle keeps giving me official papers hoping I'll leave (first a degree, now a certificate...). Awhile earlier, I had told Cindy that my heart had skipped a beat when I recently got an email from the Castle Keeper of the Keys with the title "Status on your housing unit" (which ended up amounting to nothing scary, thank God!).

Cindy suggested perhaps I'll get a 3rd official document which will be an eviction notice. EEK!

Lots of lists of 3

Tomorrow is the last day of cert school. I'll certainly miss the community, camraderie and having something meaningful to do but I won't miss being booked solid from 8:30-5:00 each day. Yeah...I know...why am I thinking I want a call if I can't handle these hours?! Pastoring may have more hours but it has more flexibility, right? At least, I hope so. Otherwise, I'm in trouble.

Today and tomorrow, we are each providing a 1/2 hour Long Range Plan for ministry. These have all been great and have provided a wealth of ideas. It's been great fun to see each presenter's personality shine through their presentation.

Since (a) I'm not a youth director, (b) I am unemployed and (c) I'm hoping the next interview leads to a call, I used the church where I should be interviewing sometime soon. I've stopped saying when I think I'll be interviewing (as in, "sometime in the next month.") because I've been saying "sometime in the next month" now for 3 weeks and there's no interview on the books for next week. Grrrr.

Here's what I know for sure (like Oprah...):

* The Assistant to the Bishop has assured me that my name will be forwarded to the congregation as soon as they're ready to interview
* Based on the congregation's handy dandy, information-filled website, the congregation and I would be a great match for each other, and
* According to their website, their paperwork is completed. Somehow, though, between the webmaster and the synod office, the paperwork either (1) didn't get mailed, or (2)was raptured, or (3)was eaten by a dog.



As long as we're on a roll with the theme of 3, here's some other tidbits:
- our cert school group has 9 participants (triple word score: 3x3)
- today at lunch, I sat with Shana, Yoda and the President and we talked about the Trinitarian understanding of God (that's at least double word score points: 3 lunch companions plus the Trinity!)
- Tomorrow I plan on running 3 errands: pick up cat food, buy new boots at Younkers and deposit Cs paycheck.

Giddyup Cowboys

Today, on our way home from vision therapy, TT said he was bored so I suggested he sing a song for me. For the next 12 (!) minutes, I heard an amazing rendition of "Giddyup Cowboys" by TT. It was a freestyle tune with lyrics that included the words below. I felt like I was in the scene from Elf where Will Farrell is singing Happy Birthday.

Refrains:
Giddyup Cowboys
We Must Ride

or

Giddyup Cowboys
We Must Go

Featured lines:

It's no fun to do nothing...

Find two eagle feathers, one black, one white

La la la la la (actual words, not my filler...)

Let's go to Iceland and go for a swim

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Today, CH went to town on his school fundraiser. It was so wonderful to have the time to support and help him with his goal. In the past, I've sent the cursory email and not put much into the whole process. Today, though, I was able to accompany him and watch my introverted boy come alive as he suggested possible items and showed folks around the catalog. I'm so proud of him and it was WAY too cute (although I'd never use this word with him...he'd be disgusted). He exceeded his goal too - so now he'll not only get the fm radio and flying slingshot monkey, but he'll get the 25 video games in 1 unit. What will we do with ourselves? Thanks to all who couldn't resist his sweet face! The coolest part of the whole deal was catching up with my brother, my parents, my mother in law and friends near and far. What a treat.

After the sales celebrations, grief fell heavily upon our home. Gandolf the Frog died. TT blames it on Legolas, who is larger. He thinks Legolas hogged the food. There were tears, a toilet funeral, and some prayers. It was quite an event. Long live the memory of Gandolf the Frog. May he rest in peace.

The little brother I never had

Wow. My buddy Mark was ordained yesterday. It was an honor watching someone I treasure take the leap into ordained service. Awhile back I told him he was like the little brother I never had. In true little brother fashion, he replied, "You're like the older sister I never wanted." Ha ha. He's also over a foot taller than me, so the term 'little' seems a bit out of place...

Our boys opted out of the trip as soon as they found out the Awesomes kids weren't going to be at the ordination. The boys stayed in the cul-de-sac at home with the Ks, who I'm going to begin calling the Kindhearteds because they are. I love those guys - it was nice to get away and know the boys were in such great hands. There was only one debacle while we were gone and the details of the story vary greatly depending upon who is telling it. What's consistent is that TT had a stick and in some fashion or another went after his brother, some neighborhood kids were witnesses to it all, and that one of our neighbors, Mrs. Nice, got involved and saved the day as she talked to CH afterward. I love this neighborhood - the Nices are always around and are great people but they seldom attend campfires and the social stuff. Just the same, they were there when someone in the neighborhood needed them. That's what I love about this place.

Anyway, back to the ordination. On the way up there, our car played the movie game with The Awesomes using walkie talkies. We started with "A" and then took turns thinking of movies that begin with A until one team is stumped. Then the other team gets a point. Pastor Awesome told C that he'd never lost at the movie game...until he played our car Friday night. Admittedly, as we came up with movie titles, we kept a running written list. Anyway, during a 6+ hour drive, we only made it to K. That's how many movies there are that begin with the letters A-K.

Once we arrived, we stayed at Mark's parsonage Friday night and got to meet his 3-legged, special needs dog, Frankie, who some decided should be renamed Trinity. Frankie is so obviously taken with Mark. It was really cute to see. And it's kind of a trip watching Frankie run. [Addendum 1:50pm: I just told my 10 year old about the dog. He took in a breath, hinted at rolling his eyes and shook his head, saying "You know, Mom, it's just like Mark to get a dog with 3 legs..."]

The ordination was Saturday afternoon. Pastor Awesome delivered a great sermon about sheep and shepherds and who is who. Afterward, it was so awesome to be there and to see so many classmates. It was like no time had passed and we entered into conversations pretty much where we'd left off the last time we'd seen each other. It was bittersweet - sweet because for a moment in time we were all back in that familiar groove and bitter because we once again had to say goodbye, once again knowing it would be awhile before we could experience such liminal time. I hope when CG and Pastor Awesome said they were saving up for the trip to my ordination they meant it. Wouldn't it be cool if two of the most solid friends I made in seminary could be there? It's such a mixed blessing, my decision to be ordained at my home church so far away. But that's another story for another time.

During Mark's ordination, I'd anticipated that the laying on hands part would be difficult for me. After all, there's 1/2 my class up there and me remaining in the pews. Funny enough, though, it was as holy and wonderful as all the other times I've watched. I think part of that is a God thing and part of it is because I seem to have become the official ordination photographer (this is not a complaint - I love doing it!).

It struck me, though, at two other points: When all the pastors gathered at the chancel for a picture afterward and when I saw one particular classmate all pastored up after the service. The whole "Why not me?" feeling set in. In my mind, I heard the echoes of Mark's words to me months ago, "The speed at which one receives a call is NOT a direct reflection on their quality as a pastor." Just the same, it was yet another experience in not following the normal pattern, not always swimming with the fish in the prescribed current...most of the time that's exactly where I want to be. Sometimes, though, it hurts. Sometimes swimming in the current looks like a great place to swim.

Buffett Bound Baby!

My great faraway friend, Journey Girl, forwarded an email to me from the amphitheatre near her house the other day. She (jokingly I found out later...) put a comment to the effect of, "so, want to come to Santa Barbara in October?????" at the top of an announcement about a Jimmy Buffett concert.


Journey Girl knows me very, very well and I'm surprized she thought that Buffett was something to joke about. As soon as I got her email, I logged on to NWA.com and booked a flight to Santa Barbara using my airmiles. I really did. Then I emailed her with the flight plans. On my way up to campus, I called her and she was so surprized I was coming! (Good thing I called...)

Anyway, if the phone doesn't ring from October 18-22, it's me (That's a play on a Buffett song for those of you non-Parrotheads).

A toast to a mighty fine chap

Scenario: TT at the dining room table along with a drinkable yogurt container and container lid - pouring yogurt into lid and lifting the lid to his mouth, over and over at dinner.

TT: A toast to myself!

My process for cleaning our home

• Begin with checking email, reading friends' blogs and posting to own blog
• Check email again, just in case I have received one in the last ½ hour
• Eat dinner and dish up seconds
• Spellcheck latest blog post and correct stupid errors like “Grameboy”
• Walk into living room, kitchen, dining room area, sigh heavily and ponder where to begin
• Walk into living room, put everything that is on the floor onto the ottoman for later sorting
• Decide jeans are too tight for cleaning, climb stairs and put on PJ pants
• Pick up needy cat, listen to her purr, ponder lying down on bed with said cat, decide marital peace and a clean house are currently higher priorites
• Descend stairs, enter office, pull up MS Word on laptop to jot down process thus far so I don’t have to remember too much
• Wonder if I do in fact have adult ADD as some have suggested
• Keep typing draft of this blog post
• Return to living room to put stuff that is on floor onto ottoman
• Find obscure things on living room floor, like super mega sized ice scraper, blame children
• Hang up coats that previously filled hall closet but had to be removed so maintenance could spray enzyme cleaner on the hallway carpet after TT flooded the hallway
• Realize I forgot to blog the story about TT flooding the hallway with his bathwater
• Seriously wonder where husband is…have no idea
  
• Answer door, talk to KK about how TT refuses to do his vision work with her tonight
• Yell downstairs, discover husband is on computer, tell him he gets to do vision homework with TT
• Wait 10 minutes, continue cleaning, holler to husband once again, mention current time
• Wonder why I’m always the default parent, continue cleaning
• Fold some laundry
• Move to kitchen, sigh heavily once again, begin moving all dishes and stuff to one side of kitchen
• Husband comes upstairs, goes outisde to get child. Husband and child return, ask husband if dishes in dishwasher are dirty or clean
• Husband tells story about new trend where people have 2 dishwashers and dishes constantly cycle between the dirty one and the clean one, dishes never have to be put in cabinets
• Imagine having more cabinet space, remember that I love my husband because he makes me laugh, wish I had two dishwashers
• Begin dishes, realize that there are more dishes than there is room in the dishwasher, wish for two dishwashers again
• Listen to husband convince child to do vision homework, remember that I'm not always the default parent afterall, remind myself how great he can be with the boys
• Decide my life would be easier if I made my 5^th grader do chores, feel guilty for not being better about assigning chores, wonder what kind of men I'm raising/creating
  
• Answer door, get package with AAA maps from neighbor that was delivered to her by mistake, tell neighbor she too can order free maps with her AAA membership
• Call for 5^th grader, assign recycling to him, he asks me to help him take recycling to curb, I say I don’t have shoes on, laugh when he replies, “Well…it’s not like you don’t have 43 pairs of shoes! I’ll bet you could find a pair to put on.” Congratulate myself on raising a Pacific Northwesterner in Iowa rather than a Midwestern Nice kid. Consider this a great accomplishment.
• Answer phone for 5th time tonight. Thank God that Shana got home safely and got her flat tire fixed, and realize how much I miss her, tell her PMC is coming to town tonight
• Wonder when PMC is going to show up and if he’s going to return my phone message. Realize how much internal chatter clogs my brain.
  
• Resume cleaning, descend to basement, decide “Bachelor Pad” is still an apt term for downstairs TV room, pick up food-related trash, leave rest of mess for another day
• Answer door, receive bags 2 and 3 of hand-me-down clothes from Ks. Thank my lucky stars for them for the 800^th time tonight. Realize thanking the Ks without ceasing is easier than praying without ceasing. Help CH sort through the clothes
• Discover dining room table, clean it off, wipe it down
• Discover time, make list of remaining tasks (well…some of them anyway), post this entry and call it a night

Fun, fire, fieldtrips and frogs

Wow - I think this may be a blog record...I haven't posted in a week! So what have I been doing? In a nutshell, I've been working 2 jobs, attending certification school (full time, 8-5 + some evening commitments), going with CH on a field trip, adopting 2 aquatic frogs, tending to TTs bur ns (yeah...ummm...more on this in a minute) and, oh yeah, I think I'm the wife to some guy named C...haven't seen much of him lately!

My not being around much has been a weird thing for us all. The boys have a great sitter and they've been doing well with him. C has been keeping the basics under control but the house, I must admit, is showing evidence of a missing mommy figure. It's pretty bad, even by my laxed standards. Housekeeping is tonight's agenda...after I check email, read blogs, and write a post. One must have clear priorities!

The cats are obviously missing their mommy. Anytime I'm home, they are at my feet, jumping onto my desk competing with the laptop, or on my lap. They are about to go on strike, but I doubt they will follow through because cats are lazy. Today, I sat at my desk for 5 minutes to check email and Aragorn hopped up onto the chair and stretched out behind me, pawing my back and stretching. It was pretty cute - desperate kitty pleas for attention usually are.

Being around the seminary is great. It's like having all the fun and all the relationships without much responsibility...no papers, no tests, no assigned reading. Woo hoo. It's fun to watch the community begin to gel and to see the new co-Presidents shine in their role. I've been touched by how open the community is to accepting me as a part of the gang even though I'm not attending classes. Unfortunately, a friend who is also awaiting call and who is around told me today that she has been asked a few times, "What are you still doing around here?" A part of me can't help but hope that people who ask such questions are the same ones who will find themselves in her situation in the future...Grrr.

To flesh out the exciting details of the first paragraph, let's talk about frogs, fire, fieldtrips and fun. It's an F thing.

Frogs. TT was able to adopt two aquatic frogs the other day because he's been faithfully doing his vision homework (with the Ks -- I LOVE THEM!). The frogs names, sticking with our Lord of the Rings pet names, are Legolas and Gandolf. They are really fun to watch and they eat bloodworms. That's kinda weird but fun at the same time.

Fire. Yeah, well...TT thought it would be fun to melt some toys on Saturday morning. He found our hidden lighter and melted stuff in the basement. Unfortunately, the melted plastic dripped onto his legs, supplying him with 4 second degree bur ns. He attempted to tend to it himself with ice, making it all worse and he (don't read this next sentence if you are easily grossed out) peeled the top of the blistered skin off thinking that was a good idea. Eek. Double eek. Luckily, C went to investigate when we woke up at 7am and TT wasn't in bed. He discovered TT in the basement with the lit lighter and the melting toys. Well, we ran to the pediatrician (who handled it all flawlessly) and we were given a prescription for Solvadine cream, which seems to work miracles. The pediatrician had a great insight about TT - his brain operates with the understanding that there must be some Gameboy-like reset button in life.... There was no malicious or naughty intention in his actions - he was simply curious and experimenting.

After our re-check yesterday, the doctor made my day when he told me I'd been doing a great job tending to the bur ns. I nearly cried. It's so seldom someone says I'm doing a great job as a parent. We all need to tell each other this more often. Usually, I only hear about TTs acting out, accommodations at school, etc, etc.

Fieldtrip. Last Friday, I was able to skip out of cert school and attend CH's nature fieldtrip. It was a blast. With theology on the brain, I kept noticing how nature provides us with a plethora of theological images (brokenness, death, rebirth, seeds, uniqueness, etc, etc). I took a ton of nature pictures and the 5th grade boys thought I was a bit weird. We also got to throw on some hip waders and take nets into a pond looking for tadpoles and fish. The kids loved that! It was fun to spend some solid time with CH too.


Fun. Since I couldn't think of a word beginning with "F" for work or for cert school, I'll throw those insights here. My two current jobs are supply preaching and working for a company that assists elderly folks in their homes. I did an overnight on both Saturday and Sunday for a woman who just had a knee replacement. She was a doll and it was a great form of ministry. My preaching gig went really well on Sunday morning. I hadn't had much time to assemble a sermon, and although I had a manuscript, I preached mostly off the cuff and loved finally having enough experience and theological grounding to pull that off successfully. Because 2 jobs just can't be enough for me (ha), I also found out last week that I am officially on the rolls with the school district as a substitute teacher's aide. That's actually the job I'd been hoping for all along as I await call. Once cert school is over, I'll begin subbing.

On Saturday, CH and I (and then CH and C when I took TT to the doctor) got to participate in the annual grape harvest. It was, as always, a BLAST! The scent of the grapes is so wonderful and the harvest is such a fun community tradition around here. They actually use the grapes to make the wine for communion. How cool is that?!

Cert School has been a great experience. I really think everyone going through seminary should be required to do it. Not only does cert school supply a lot of great practical ideas, but it also offers great, solid overviews that help all the academic and heady details of seminary come together in neat ways. I've also been amazed by some increased self-awareness. This week's big epiphany for me is that I tend to operate at the "as long as one more thing doesn't happen I'm ok" mode. This becomes exhausting. Even when one more thing happens, I tend to stick with it all but my ability to invest becomes strained. Well, last night it occurred to me that I should attempt to operate at least a level (maybe even two...) lower. Sounds like a no brainer, but it's a big revelation for me.

I was also asked to present my Special Needs Ministry stuff last night for cert school and the seminary community. It was a great experience and I think the group really appreciated the information and the conversation. I feel blessed that I was able to share my realities and my insights about special needs with them, and I'm incredibly blessed to hear from them about their ideas and experiences.

I could write about cert school forever, but I won't. I've enjoyed the theological reflections (yeah - like today's debate/discussion about infant communion and communion in general!), the great and fantastic group of people in our program, and the wonderful instructors. I could just keep writing and writing, BUT I can smell dinner arriving at the table and I'm hungry!

PS One more quick thing: The Awesomes arrive tonight!!! YAY!

Coffee Talk

Me: Wow, TT, God gave you some very observant eyes. You were able to see all the details in that picture.

TT: God also gave me another gift, Mommy. God gave me the gift to like coffee, and that's a good thing because God and Jesus are always making coffee at church, aren't they?

Aaaahhh...my little Lutheran, already aware of the sacramental qualities of coffee!

WHAT A RUSH!!!

Woo hoo! Yee haw! @)*!)$)&%!!!! I did it, I did it, I did it! Today we did the ropes course. What a blast! The weird thing is how what seems scary isn't and what seems easy is freaky scary! I'm still on a bit of a rush.

Our options were to do the incline log, the flat but higher log, the grapevine (with a wire underneath our feet), the zip line, a huge 3 wire swing and the leap of faith. I mustered up the courage to do all of it but the leap of faith, and I got to do the zip line twice. It was a blast.

Here are pictures of me on my adventures. Unfortunately, harnesses and cameras pointed upward 30 feet do little to make a girl look skinny. Guess I'd better start losing weight before I get up there again! I need to get more pictures from my buddies. These are a good glimpse for now.



Belaying down...